I miss the tests.
I miss being late to class.
I miss the study parties with friends that inevitably ended up invoking more laughter than hitting the books ever should.
The moment I left college, a lot of responsibility was dumped onto me. For the longest time (4-5 years), I wasn't allowed to drive anywhere by myself, despite having my license for a year. Within a month I had a car (that I am still paying off by myself) and was randomly allowed to drive alone, before I really felt ready to.
Six months after graduating, I'd published my first book and gotten engaged.
Now, I realize that I've been a graduate for nearly nine months, and I'm trying to figure out: what now?
I really want to go back to school, but I don't have the financial ability to do so right now. There's too many graduate programs that I'm interested in, and I can't decide which one to pursue.
Counseling is still on the table.
Music is on the table.
Creative writing is also an option.
And I can't seem to choose.
I can't decide what to write.
There's the NA fortune cookie story.
I also recently began a MG fantasy (two things that are foreign).
I'm two chapters away from rewriting a YA contemporary romance novel.
And I want to continue working on book two of my YA contemporary fantasy series.
This is where I'm at right now.
There are a lot of questions that have no answers.
This is what happens to many recent graduates.
Everything changes so much in a really short time, even when you're not ready for it.
But these things cannot be ignored.
They must be faced.
So I wrote this to let you all know:
Many of us are in the same boat.
And that's okay.
I haven't even graduated yet, and I'm already feeling much the same way as you. I'm juggling way too many important decisions in way too little time -- Who am I? What do I believe? What career path, graduate school, relationships do I want to pursue? -- in addition to the very recently assumed responsibilities of emerging adult life. I know it's absurd, but sometimes I feel like a new parent: 9 months ago I had not a care in the world, and then all of a sudden, boom. I have all this responsibility for a person's life, and don't feel ready to handle any of it. Can't even imagine what REAL parenthood is like.
ReplyDeleteBut anyways, yeah; you're not alone either.