When I received news that the contract I had signed had made its way to a publishing company and that steps to publication were in the works, I eagerly awaited July 15, excited to finally let friends and strangers alike have access to my novels. It was terrifying to finally tell people I write as a hobby, but armed with the knowledge that I would be published soon, I decided it was for the best and went ahead.
I don't talk about my faith in God much on this blog so as to not alienate those who don't believe the same way I do, but it's impossible to leave Him out of this story. I began praying on June 23 because some of the steps in the process that should've been completed by then were only in the process of being started. I asked if this was not His will for Him to make it very clear to me. That day, I got an email from the company about some changes that were being made, asking me to consider if I still wanted to work with them. My response was to continue to pray and see where God was leading. On June 25, I received an email from the cover designer saying that he was almost ready to show me the draft for my cover and that he would be sending it to me soon. Then the next day, on June 26, the unexpected happened.
I received an email from my publishing company two weeks before my release date saying that they had decided to terminate our contract. After reading the email and rereading it several times, it became more real with each read. My book was not getting published. This life dream I have been working on has now taken a huge detour, and I'm back to square one. I now have to look for representation again.
Had this happened even three months ago, I would've been angry. I would've cried, thrown innocent stuffed animals at the wall, or blamed God and asked Him why He allowed this to happen. Instead, an incredible sense of peace flooded me, and my first instinct was to pray and thank God for answering my prayer, to tell Him I know His plans are better and always have been and I look forward to watching them unravel. How joyous it is that what I should desire most pales so much in comparison to knowing my Heavenly Father and that He has blessings beyond my wildest imagination that He can't wait to direct me to.
In this time, I am so incredibly thankful for how I've seen myself grow, and know that this process will continue to shape and mold me. Yes, I am disappointed. That is a normal human reaction. But the disappointment is overshadowed by joy. I've realized that I charge ahead with my own plans without praying and waiting on the Lord, and some other grave life mistakes have also shown to be a product of my own inability to seek His will above mine. Going forward, I will most likely be looking for new representation. I don't know if and when I will find it, but I know one thing: My life is in the hands of a sovereign, loving God, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. (Even a publishing deal.)
As for how you can help, words of encouragement and support will really help me through this time, but it is God who will carry me through. Support will be a catalyst during this trial. Please feel free to take the time to comment or say hi. Your words mean more than you will ever know.
Whether you are writing family, brothers and sisters in Christ, or someone just stopping by, I thank you for being part of my journey. Be assured that this is not the end, but only the beginning of something new that's far more beautiful.